BLOGS in TOPBLOG

I don’t think we disagree so very much. Yes, there may be some sex workers who are happy — relatively speaking.

However, I have a theory about these things based upon having known some people like this and having done some research. A large number of these women have been victims in childhood of sexual abuse. In general statistics on the sexual abuse of child run to about 1 in 3 girls and 1-4 boys, depending upon how the study is structured. That’s lots of people. Obviously, not all of them become sex workers. However, of women sex workers whom I have actually known sexual abuse by a male parent figure (father or stepfather) is extremely common. Statistics that I have read bear this out, especially if you figure in uncles and much older brothers. From working with women and knowing women who have had this happen to them, I can confidently say that this is the ultimate abuse of trust and the ultimate loss of control over one’s body.

My theory: These women often begin their profession to re-enact this trauma in their lives. Any counselor or social worker can tell you that people have a compulsion to process trauma over and over. Many times, in their choices, they actually seek out the devil they know. (Anyone who has ever faced the startling fact that a spouse or SO actually reminds them of the parent they have the most uncomfortable relationship with can testify to this.) People talk about the control Johns have but what they don’t understand is the control that sex workers have. They do indeed make a choice (poverty not withstanding) and in that choice they can actually relive a sexual situation in which they have some sexual control rather than being powerless. For one thing, they demand payment. For another, they get to set some boundaries about what is done to them and what they will or won’t do. They have the power to negotiate. I have spoken to a sex worker who admitted that she enjoyed the power — the sexual power — that she had over men.

Now, I know someone is going to chime in and say that if sexual trauma is such an awful thing why on earth would anyone wish to repeat it? The answer lies in the fact that even abused children often love their parents and that sexual attention may have been the primary attention that these people received. In other words, love is what you get because love is what you want. People can turn shit into gold if it is all they have. Children are ever hopeful and ever trusting and they believe their parents must love them — or at least they earnestly want to believe this. Also, sexual abuse can result in sexual feelings in the abused. This can be confusing and guilt-inducing. Most abusers try to make their victims complicit in the activities and often blame the victim for the abuse: “You made me do this.”

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When I lived on a ranch, I would sometimes come across wild animals caught in traps. The trappers were supposed to check their traps every 24 hours, but they didn’t. I recall a beautiful bobcat caught in a trap for what must have obviously been at least a couple of days. Her eyes were glazed, pained, and wild. Horrible fear. We could not free her because her would have attacked us. We shot her.

I never wear fur. I don’t want pain on my back.

People who frequent prostitutes will sooner or later be complicit in pain.